To keep my eyes on You.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, but I know that You have been with me, leading me and listening. Reading today from a blog about the Goliath in the blogger’s life and realizing that we all have at least one in our lives – or Paul’s thorn – those things which humble us and at times defeat us. Perhaps it is how we see them – as enemies or opportunities. I sometimes feel so helpless and weak and yet that is not Your purpose for me – but it takes Your Spirit to really make me strong. Kent spoke to this yesterday, and I need to daily remind myself that although I can do nothing without You, I can do what You have purposed for me to do because You will supply - You have supplied what is needed to accomplish Your call on and in my life. There is a part that I play, an effort on my part to co-operate, to allow You to work through me. I think sometimes I think to much, try to hard to figure it all out, to understand the why instead of just trusting You to know what and how and when and all the other little details. I can rest in You, I don’t have to be afraid, You will provide, You will finish what You have started. To keep my eyes on You, to look beyond the Goliath that is facing me, and keep my eyes on You.

I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. (Psalm 16:8)

Significance and capacity

Several things have come to my attention recently. One a conversation with and a paper a friend shared about significance and how ours is found in our desire to glorify God and comes as a result of our intimacy with God, an intimacy He calls each of us to enter into through Jesus. My friend quotes “It is very obvious in the way God originally created us that he made us with the capacity to be intimate with him.” Radical Reliance, Joe Stowell.

And there is the second thing that caught my attention – our capacity. Today Kent, our pastor, mentioned it in regards to each one having (or being given) a certain capacity to love. In Matt 25, in the parable of the talents, he equated the talent with ones capacity to love – to love God, in a way defined by Him and to love our neighbor as ourselves. The principle seems to be that the more we are able to return this love, the more love we will have to give (the more love we will have to draw from). It’s like God has invested in us a certain capacity to love and is patiently waiting to see what kind of return He will get from His investment – the more we are able to increase His return, the more He is glorified and the more our joy becomes complete.

It's a choice

The shock of being exposed was too much for Ananias. For many Christians in compromise, their greatest fear is not in sinning itself, but in being found out. (from commentary on Acts 5)

FATHER, there is fear of having one’s sins exposed, to others – but You know them already. The commentaries say that Ananias’ sins were greed and pride – but sin - of any kind - is sin and seems to be “conceived within the heart of man”. The enemy may exert influence, but we make the choice. FATHER, help me to be aware of my own sin, to recognize when it is conceived within my heart, and grant me the grace and power to turn from it and to turn towards You; I want to choose rightly, Lord. I want to always choose YOU!

She has done this for the day of My burial (John 12:4-8)

Mary knew that Jesus was going to die, and so she was compelled to offer this extravagant gift of devotion to Jesus. Mary had more insight than others because she spent time at the feet of Jesus. This was the moment at which Jesus was symbolically set apart for burial by one who really understood what was happening.

JESUS, I have always loved this story and want to be like Mary. Her devotion was so remarkable; her passion, her humility and her insight into Who You are. I can only imagine the look of love You must have shown to her at this moment – a connection that was forever made, an understanding deep within the heart of the Lover of our souls and the one loved. An eternal moment captured in time. Thank You, for allowing me to witness and participate in such tenderness and intimacy.

He became very sorrowful, for he was very rich: (Luke 18:23)

The man’s riches were an anchor dragging down his soul, and because he was very rich, the anchor was very heavy. . . Jesus’ purpose wasn’t to make the man sad; but he could only be happy by doing what Jesus told him to do.

FATHER, I see the truth here, that we can only know real joy in doing what You desire for us to do, to love You and surrender all that we have, all that we are – to You. It means trusting You completely – even when faced with trials and hardships – knowing that Your love and grace are greater and more to be desired than anything this world could possibly offer. It means letting go of whatever we are holding on to and falling into Your loving embrace, where there is peace and an abundance of unspeakable joy.

A leper's story

And behold, a leper came and worshiped Him, saying, "Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean." (Matt 8:2)

This reminds me of the time in my life when I suffered from psoriasis, which was confirmed by a physician. It was a stressful time and I believe my anxiety manifested itself in this disease of the skin, which was quite visible and covered large areas of my face, body and hands. After suffering with this for quite some time, I had come to a place where I had accepted that this was “how it was going to be”, had made my peace with it, so to speak. It was rather humbling, but then I guess I needed to be humbled.

I remember clearly a day at church a friend, upon seeing me, joking cried out “leper, unclean . . .” but then he wrapped his arms around me and prayed for Jesus to heal me . . . and He did.

I am still humbled, not by anything in me but by His love for me. My desire is to make knowing and rejoicing in Him the passionate pursuit of my life.

A morning prayer

ABBA, FATHER – sitting here, thinking, remembering . . . last night at group, the thought of how “rock solid” my relationship is with You – not because of me but all because of You, Your calling me to be Your own and how secure I am in You. It’s the “others” that I seem to struggle with and sitting here just now I thought it’s others that hurt me. Relationship with others is at times very painful and challenging – because they can not meet the need in me, only You can fill that void. And so, FATHER, I ask You to fill me with Your presence, let Your Spirit overflow within so that You can reach out and touch those whom You have placed in my life; let me live and respond to others from that place of abundance, where You are my all and all. More of You, Lord, and less of me.

My Father's eyes

ABBA FATHER, We’re home from the mountains and I thank You for the time away, to be still, to be quiet and to rest from all the day to day events that seem to so fill my time. As I sit here this morning, I’m remembering part of a teaching I listened to and a scene from a movie – that seem to run together. The movie was 28 Days with Sandra Bullock, who is in re-hab. The scene is where she and her sister in the film are sharing a moment. Her sister shares how she has always felt small in comparison to Sandra’s character, how Sandra’s character always seemed “bigger” than life.

The teaching dealt with the “Why” in why do bad things happen. The teacher mentions the scene in Luke 13. The crowd is asking why the tower of Siloam fell on certain people and not on others. Was it because of their sin was greater? Jesus says no – but unless you repent, the same thing could happen to you. Later in the teaching he brings up Peter’s question, after Jesus’ resurrection, when Jesus tells him how he, Peter, is to die. Peter’s response is – in essence – well what about John. Jesus response is – what is that to you – You follow me.

So why do these two points come together for me? I think because I am to often distracted by what I see in others that I don’t see in myself and the word that comes to mind is a “kind of” envy, where I miss what You have for me because I’m to busy comparing myself to someone else. My focus needs to be adjusted and I need to see myself as You see me – not through my own judgments or the worlds, but through Your eyes; eyes of love and acceptance and joy. It really has nothing to do with who I am, but in “Whose” I am. It is You who gives me meaning and purpose and I delight in knowing that I belong to You. And that Lord is more that enough for me.

I believe, Lord. Help my unbelief.

ABBA FATHER, where to start. . . Kent’s teaching on faith, the kinds of faith; personal, corporate, contact and beyond-belief faith. At the end I found myself praying that You would heal my faith. Everyone has faith in something or someone. The object of that faith can be true or false. I know that You are truth. I know that You have given me a true and sincere faith; that You are the object of my faith – but I know, too, that there are areas where I need improvement, areas where I need to let go and learn to really trust You. The storms come to grow us in faith, IF we can learn to find our security, our peace SOLELY in You and not the circumstance. It’s a hard lesson to learn, which is why I so desperately need You to heal my faith, in those areas that are lacking. Steady me Lord, and cause me to stand, to rest in You.

Some thoughts about storms . . .

In the storm remember Who is in the boat, the storm will end and that He will get you to the other side.

In the storm, there is the foundation of knowing that He is with me and that He will get me through whatever may come - in this I am confident. My fears or concerns are just how He will accomplish it. I know that He will sometimes allow suffering and hardships to touch us – I believe it is also for our good, but that it can be painful and quite honestly I don’t like pain. At the same time I know that when we (He and I) have made it through the storm, that I am stronger for it, more like Him and less like me and ultimately that is my hearts desire. (The medicine may tastes bad going down, but it is useful and necessary for my healing to be complete.)

There are some lessons that can only be learned in a storm.

The Lord does provide

Abba FATHER, I come this morning with a heaviness of heart, an uncertainty, a sadness that I can’t explain. I would much rather rejoice in You. On the Jewish calendar this is a season of mourning that culminates on Tuesday. A number of tragic events occurred on that date, two being the destruction of both the 1st and 2nd Temple. Today, there’s the economy and the sad shape the world seems to be in, the unrest and anxiety that seems so pervasive. In my own little world, there are the car problems, which in the scheme of things is rather insignificant. Within me, there is restlessness, a feeling that I should be doing more, and a kind of discontentment and loneliness. I think some of it, this heaviness, is because I’m too focused on me, rather than others.

FATHER, please change my heart and my attitude. I choose to trust You and believe You will provide whatever and whenever there is a need in my life. Show me, FATHER, what I need to know, what I need to do, to honor You, to please You. I don’t want to miss You because I’m too focused on me. I want my life to have meaning, to count for something, to have significance as a witness to You. I know I will never accomplish “big” things, but please, FATHER, let those things I do be things that will last. Let me live each moment as a sacrifice of praise to You, with a heart that is full and overflowing with love and gratitude to You, the lover of my soul. Keep me, LORD, in the center of Your will, under Your wing and close to Your heart. I need You so much.

A morning prayer

Why have we fasted, and you see it not?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and you take no knowledge of it?’
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure. (Isa 58:3)

FATHER, my reading in Isaiah (54-57), so much beauty, such amazing words of comfort and assurance, how blessed I am to be Your servant. But I must confess, it reading the above, I found a pang of guilt or conviction – that I seek to much my own pleasure rather than seeking to meet the needs of “others”.

Not that we want bad things, but that we want things to badly.

It is a matter of perspective, and I need You to change mine. You have blessed my life way more than I deserve, perhaps more than I can handle – Please FATHER, create in me that attitude of gratitude and heart for others. More of You, Lord and less of me.

Remembering

I remember a time when I was very young in the Lord. I was out of school, living on my own, and between jobs. I was in a small home Bible-study group and they had prayed for me to get a "job". Well, as it turns out my landlady had decided to paint the outside of the garage apartment I was living in. Because I was home, I ended up befriending the painter and his helper, so much so that he offered me a "job" to help him paint the building. It only lasted two days, but I saw it as God answering my prayer, in a somewhat humorous way.

Around lunch time on the second day I offered to drive to the nearest Burger King and get some burgers. My boss said that would be great, he gave me some money and off I went in my little VW bug. As I was driving I looked over and in the passenger seat, to my amazement, there sat Jesus. Now all I saw were His feet and the bottom portion of His robes, but I knew it was Him and I heard Him say - "I am with you always."

I’ll never forget that moment. I can still remember it as if it had just happened. Over the years since I have been through a lot and He has always kept His promise. I’ve know His presence in the trials, when He was all I had or when I felt I couldn’t go on. And I’ve known His presence in the good times, when my life was so full I felt I would just explode from the joy. He’s always with me, my constant companion and friend, my Lord and Savior, my Jesus.

His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love. (Psa 147:10-11)

FATHER my desire is that You would take pleasure in me as I have found so much pleasure in You, in being Your child, Your beloved. To the human ear hearing that pleasure is to be found in “fear” and “hope” seems contradictory, yet to the spiritual ear it brings joy and peace. You are Who You are, and by Your word have called all things into being. You are awesome because of Who You are – worthy of all honor and praise. You are also good and merciful and just and because of Your amazing attributes we can place our hope in You because You are steadfast and unchanging in Your love. And so I can rejoice in my fear of You and have peace in knowing that my hope is more than just a wish but a knowing that my life is secure in Your hands.

A small lesson about confession. . .

FATHER I had to apologize to several people yesterday at the bank where I do business. And while it was difficult, because of my own pride and wanting to “just let it go”, I went because I felt You were calling me to and because I needed to make amends for my angry reactions from the day before. Thank You for their gracious response but mostly for the freedom that comes in the process of admitting our offenses and in the receiving of forgiveness.

I was also impressed with the serious nature of sin, how easily it can surface and how deceptive it can be. . . and how very offensive it is to You. Thank You for Your Spirit’s revealing my sin and thank You for Your Son’s paying for my sin. There really are no words to adequately express how absolutely and completely amazing You are.

The wisest of women builds her house . . . Prov 14:1

One commentary talked about how the world tends to down play those who are “just” housewives or keepers of the home. It got me thinking about how we define who we are. I’m a (fill in the blank). There seems to be this need to “be” something. I remember as a child, “and what do you want to be when you grow up?” I never really had an answer, still don’t. I think what I want to define me is the kind of person I am, my character and how I live my life. It’s not about what I do, but who I am on the inside. I’ve also come to know that I don’t want the world to tell me who I am, but to become the one my FATHER says that I am. It’s HIS nature I want to define me because I am HIS child.

Broken relationships

Father, there are so many broken relationships among family and within Your Body, the church. Bring Your healing touch and provide ways and means that one may be reconciled with another. You say "if possible" we are to live at peace with one another - sometimes it isn't possible, but so often it's just a matter of letting go of some offense, allowing for forgiveness and for Your redemption to take place.

We are a broken people and we need Your healing grace to restore us. May it begin with me, Lord. Amen.

. . . and I walk in Your faithfulness (Psa 26:3)

FATHER, earlier today I read an article concerning the blood covenant and it referenced the one between You and Abraham. You were the sole initiater and participant – that it was all Your doing, Abraham was just the recipient of Your love; the beneficiary of Your blessing. It was and is Your faithfulness that brings life and provides the very air that we breathe – physically and spiritually. David knew this, his heart was ever before You. You have caused me to walk in Your faithfulness and I can think of no place I’d rather be. Your faithfulness is amazing. It is Who You are – faithful and true.

Mercy and Justice

We are in a dangerous place when we regard God’s mercy towards us as our right. . . No one is ever unfair for not giving mercy. (Rom 9:14-16)
FATHER in reading about mercy, it has confirmed to me the need to understand how You define things, to see them from Your perspective. I think because You are so merciful that we sometimes expect it as our right, when in truth it is not what we deserve at all and we take for granted something we should be humbled by and grateful for. And yet, we are to have confidence in who we are as Your children, Your adopted sons; co-inheritors with Christ. It is Your nature to be merciful, but it is always Your choice – because it is also Your nature to be just. Help me to see things as You see them and to understand, so that I may not sin against You or dishonor You in any way.

Groanings too deep for words

Romans 8:26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
FATHER, coming across this verse this morning brings a sense of Your peace, Your faithfulness and Your call on my life. Even before I “knew” You, You were working out Your plans and purposes in my life. For as a child, I knew I wanted You and asked You into my life – not knowing You as I do now, but knowing You as a child. You heard my hearts cry, came in and Your Spirit remained, quietly waiting and working “with groanings too deep for words” until You brought me to that place of sweet surrender, ongoing and deepening with each passing day. ABBA, FATHER I love You so.

Some post resurrection thoughts

First of all, FATHER, thank You for Jesus, His death, burial and resurrection – and for calling me to be Your child, in Him. This gift of Your love and grace is so beyond anything else, no words can fully describe . . . all I can offer is my worship, my praise, my adoration and my surrender to You as my Lord, my King, my Savior. Let it be so in me LORD, not in words but in the intention of my heart, mind soul and strength.

In reading this morning – 1 Chronicle 4 the commentary mentions - “First, Jabez prayed to be blessed indeed. There are many who are blessed, but they are not blessed indeed. That is, they have something that is in one sense a blessings (such as family, salvation, wealth, fame, health, security), but yet because of fundamental dissatisfaction in their life, they are not blessed indeed.”

I must confess, that these words pierced my heart; that I am guilty of a form of this “fundamental dissatisfaction” and I pray, I cry out to You that You will forgive me and change my heart. It just occurred to me that the next thought that spoke to me was from Romans 8 commentary - "He knows nothing about the life that God offers. He thinks he is living life but is actually living in death and doesn't know it because he is deceived."

You have given me this new life and perhaps because I have lived it for so long, because You have blessed my life in so many ways, that I have forgotten or grown accustomed to just how blessed I really am. There is a fine line between confidence and presumption, between gratitude and taking for granted. O FATHER, may it not be so with me, that I ever take for granted all that You have done for me; that I ever presume upon YOUR grace so lavishly poured out upon me.

A broken and contrite heart, these You will not despise – so break my heart LORD, and then put the pieces back together so that it will be a heart of Your making, a heart where You are pleased to dwell and reign.

FATHER, I’m reading an article on Beautifying the Commandments and it speaks of how the Jews saw the Mitzvahs (commandments) as “opportunities to do something good that You, God, had told them to do – NOT a burdensome regulations. This got me thinking about the cloud in the desert – on the one side, Israel saw it as good, for it provided protections, but to the Egyptian it presented a threat. In Romans there is much talk about the law and that it does appear to be burdensome, but again I think it’s how we see it, our perspective. It was never meant to save us, but to show us our need for a Savior. That there is good available in every circumstance comes when we are able to trust You, completely and without reservation, when our expectations are molded by Your grace. (If our expectation is that the law will save us, then it becomes the means of condemnation. If however, we see it as “opportunities” to show our love to You, then it can become a means of grace. Jesus met the legal requirements of the Law and paid the price for our sin. Through His resurrection, we are now free from it’s burden, from its condemnation – free to live in fellowship and communion with Him - forever. Obedience is no longer a “requirement” but a “desirement”) When we look to You as the provider of our peace and well being, the One who holds us in Your hands and near to Your heart, our rest and our security are in You.

The Tabernacle

FATHER, This morning reading about the construction of the tabernacle, the ark and all the furnishings and utensils, it’s curious to me that the whole creation of the world was covered by two chapters and yet the description of and then the building of Your tabernacle – in great detail -covers several chapters. This was where You would dwell with Your people, where they could – through the High Priest and on the day of Atonement – come into Your presence. It would seem that this is important, established by the witness of two (as You have it recorded two times). This is where our focus should be - on You. Creation itself is not as important as Your plan of redemption. We are – in Jesus - new creations, and Your dwelling is now within us – individually, personally, intimately – and we can come into Your presence by simply turning to You, seeking You and resting in You. It is all more than I can fully understand or appreciate, but I’m just so grateful that You have called me and that I am Yours!

He holds the future

Thank You ABBA. This morning I have felt a heaviness – bringing Amber for the surgery to remove the tumor on her shoulder, her seeming not quite herself and then being asked IF her heart should stop, what do I want them to do – or not do. Knowing that she is going to die, but not knowing when or what form it will take. My prayer yesterday was that You would take her – because I don’t want to see her suffer and I don’t want to have to make the decision - at some point in the future - to “put her down”

Anyway, as I was sitting here in the lobby the intake tech came to let me know that there was a form they had forgotten to have me sign. As I was signing it he made the comment that he had noticed earlier that I was using the BlueletterBible and that he really liked it and thought it was a great study tool – to which I agreed. It was just that little sign to me that everything is in Your hands, that nothing goes unnoticed, that Your presence is all around – in the air we breathe and indwelling in Your children, even when we’re unaware and not even looking for it. I just know that what ever the future may hold, that You hold the future and I can rest and be at peace in that knowledge.